sweetlife

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See, that’s what the app is perfect for.

Sounds perfect Wahhhh, I don’t wanna

un-love

i am faltering,
falling short,
slowly, systematically,
mechanically,
shutting down.
it’s a progress and a regression
it’s everything i’ve feared
i am not who i was and i’m not who i will be
i’m cemented in purgatory
i’m forever wondering
forever yearning,
wanting, waiting,
throwing my entire weight behind it

her entire weight,
lighter, weaker,
innocent and small,
lovely girl,
she went to war for love
and i’ll give up because she fought too much
she had too much hope
she made too many mistakes
so i’ll stop
i’ll stop for the sake of my ego if not for the sake of my heart

i won’t want
i won’t wait
i’ll sit on my hands and maybe finally be idle,
or handcuff myself to the radiator in my house
or sew my mouth shut with my mother’s needles
or maybe get my father to break my knees
or put my head under the water in my bathroom tub

so that i wont want
i wont wait
i wont wonder and i wont yearn
for my own heart to love me
for my own body to love me
my own blood to love me

i’m sorry i don’t look into your eyes when our hands meet,
i’m too preoccupied 
with the way our fingers intertwine 
i’m trying to judge your affections from the intensity of your grip 
and i’m counting the seconds in which you stay touching me 
was last time longer than the time before? 
am i a fool to be counting seconds for you? 
should i be peering into your arresting eyes instead?
and risk getting caught with my affections? 
i’d rather play demure
pass off my averting eyes as a gentle shyness, 
coy if not that. 
i’d rather act dull
unseeing, absolutely oblivious to your actions 
even when your slightest advance is felt with every nerve in my body 
i’d rather deny my sentiments for you 
even when my heart cries when it hears your voice 
i am nothing but a coward 
in the face of your brilliance 
i’m sorry i don’t look into your eyes at all 
they shine too bright for my shy ones.

love poetry written writing Aesthetic

and then your hips sway ever so slightly as you walk, trained to flow like water and twinkle just so it catches the eye. and then you notice the glances at your tits when you wear a low cut top. it’s when you play coy even when your psyche demands more intellectual stimulation. then you see the hunger in their eyes. and it begs the even bigger question, will i ever quench the thirst for this animalistic, primal urge men have? will the curve of my back or the pout of my lips be enough to keep him sated? will my sex appeal and wanton nature last me until the finish line where he coincidentally finds his impotence? because i love and my love does not see any gender. so if i will love him i will do it with my brain, heart, soul, pussy, and mouth. and he will not deserve it. because i could last my entire life, but he would fold unto himself not in 10 minutes if given the chance. then the sway of my hips would not matter. and how i let him use my mouth would not matter. because her hips will be novel and her mouth will be softer. gold, jackpot, the fucking lottery. and he’ll give her longing glances, while i sit in his lap. and she’ll love it too, because aren’t we all gluttons for attention? 

poetry female experience written writing

i can’t help but to feel for her.  
she only exists in my imagination,
as of yet
but as i grow older, and lonlier,  
i see her jump out of my mind  
and into my reflection  
i see the wear and tear on her aging face  
i see the gentle, smiling expression slip into one of hardening stone  
she’s toying with me  
she’s trying to fuck with me
she’s hoping i am subject to my eternity of unhappiness just 
as she was

writing poetry fear

because you were the only one who gave me attention, you treated me like i mattered, like my late night opinions about us and the world mattered. you made me feel at home and completely in the wild at the same time. my heart and my soul were screaming for love and you made them shut up. you made my mind quiet and full of the most beautiful noises and i couldn’t pay you back in any form or way. i loved the ways that you made my tears feel relevant. i loved you and every good and bad thing inside of your beautiful mind.

poetry poetic aesthetic

we’re all just nobodies screaming like we’re somebody important. but no one really pays attention to the fuck ups on the internet, yelling about important things. but what i want you to do is continue screaming, scream your heart out, scream until they have to cover their ears and at least they’ll acknowledge you, us.

poetry aesthetic